Thursday, August 13, 2015

"An eye for an eye is not our version of justice...."

..... began the heartfelt status message of the BlackLivesMatter facebook page in response to the tragic killing of two New York police officers by an African American man who, by many reports, was on a path of self-destruction even before this crime which was precipitated by an attack on his girlfriend that culminated in his final act which was to take his own life. Taken in context, this tragedy, pre-Trayvon Martin, pre-Mike Brown, pre-Eric Garner, pre-the many African Americans, both male and female denied equal protection and due process, would have roused the "too many guns" voices, or the "mentally ill people are dangerous" voices. Instead, on the heels of a massive largely peaceful response of like minded people to systematic injustice, this movement has had to defend itself against those who fail to think critically, who fail to learn from history, and who will never do what this statement implies, which is to look in the mirror.

I've had to look in the mirror for many days since #ferguson. I had to examine why I, a person who tries to live her life embodying peace and the love of Christ for all, while deeply troubled by the immediate response to the grand jury decision to not indict Mike Brown's killer, I still could find no words to condemn the immediate and violent response. I like to believe that I would have had the Martin Luther King response vs. the Malcolm X (pre-Mecca) response. Truth is, I'm not sure about that. One thing that I understand about human nature, given the right set of circumstances, we humans, left to our own devices, our own proclivities, are capable of just about anything.

Peace loving me, is also a survivor of trauma, I intimately understand what if feels like to be cowering in a corner, or living on verbal and emotional lock down as tools for surviving a hostile and volatile environment. I remember what it felt like when I finally said NO MORE. On that day it was less about peaceful coexistence, and more about surviving by any means necessary. ANY MEANS. The fact that I can still touch that emotion deep inside after more than 25 years is informative. And yes, there is perhaps, a difference between intimate partner trauma, and historical, generational trauma, but as anyone who understands the intricacies of trauma will tell you, it is not just an event, it is something that has lasting impact on your life, your relationships, your environment and yes, your community. Yes, healing is possible, but trauma forever changes you.

So yeah, like the folks at the BlackLivesMatter facebook page, I looked in the mirror first. Their conclusion, that this tragedy no more reflects what they are about, then does any other heinous act committed by one person, or 19 people, armed with a gun or a plane, or a bomb, or living with a mental illness, or simply with evil intent. Nor is this act indicative of the attitudes and belief system of a given racial, religious, cultural group or otherwise marginalized group. Their conclusion, should be, and was echoed by all peoples of peace. But for others who will not self-reflect for any reason, and because of this heinous act, committed by one person, will cast aspersion on all who speak for justice, who speak against systems that have negative, systemic, and disproportionate impact on other human beings, and will spew the company line--whatever it happens to be-- "the US is the greatest country in the world"-- yeah, that one-- well, frankly, I wish I could muster up some other emotion for you besides sympathy.

It takes a lot of energy to turn away, to shield your face, to bury your head in the sand. The wise and kind hearted man I am married to said that perhaps all of this turmoil, all of this devastation has been necessary to help the blind see. The miracle of light, working in the dark.  And so perhaps, when it matters, I would choose Martin over pre-Mecca Malcolm. When it matters, I would look deeper, ask more questions, seek to understand. When it matters I would see your Exodus 21:24 (eye for an eye) and raise it with Matthew 5:38, which calls me to a higher place of love and forgiveness for my enemies. When it matters, I will cast my lot with the ones who are blocking traffic with their "die-in's" and their peaceful marches, rather than the one's who want to burn down the town.  The fact that I have to think about that, says a lot about me actually, and I am grateful, grateful, grateful for the Holy Spirit that lives in me, who not only nudges me back into alignment with the way of Christ, but empowers the peacemakers, emboldens the truth tellers, and gives voice to the ageless wise ones among us .. the light bringers in this present darkness. Lord in your mercy .... come....


jdw
12/2014

Ps: I drafted this post nearly eight months ago, then stepped away from it because it felt too dark and too heavy. I hoped then that the feeling would pass and I would have more hopeful words. I did not come back to it until today. This post is as it was in December 2014.